If you eat this, you WILL die.

Well, they can't all be winners right?

There is no doubt in my mind that if you make this exactly as the recipe tells you to, you will in fact die. No doubt at all.

I'm a fan of collard greens, but I never made them before. So, I figured who would know better than Paula Deen?

Ingredients:

• 1/2 LB smoked meat (Ham hocks, smoked turkey wings, or smoked neck bones)
• 1 TBSP "House seasoning" - (Recipe Follows)
• 1 TBSP Seasoned Salt
• 1 TBSP hot pepper sauce
• 1 Large bunch collard greens
• 1 TBSP Butter

Stupid "House Seasoning":

• 4 Parts Salt
• 1 Part Black pepper
• 1 Part Garlic Powder

So.... I went and got some country ham hocks. For all I know, this may have been the issue. Is there a difference in regular ham hocks and country ham hocks? I know country ham is salty as hell... So... maybe this is where I messed up... if so, let me know, because I really wanted this to work.

I chopped them up into about quarters.

Now, get a pot, add 3 quarts of water, "house seasoning" seasoned salt and hot sauce. I didn't have seasoned salt, so I used some Tony's Creole seasoning. ... So... reduced the salt content a little bit, compared to the recipe.

So, here's the water/spices. Toss the meat in there, bring it to a boil, and then turn it down to medium and let it go for an hour.

Wash the collards and cut them into small-ish pieces. Remove the big veins/stalks.

After the stuff on the stove has gone for an hour, add your greenery and let it go for another hour. Uncovered.

You can see how much of the fluid disappears... granted, you've basically boiled it for two hours... so... that's not too surprising.

Pull out the bones and the fat, and get rid of that stuff.

So.... here's the deal. Like I said, I might have messed up with the country ham hocks.... But, this was saltier than a mouthful of salt. I'm completely serious. This stuff should be packaged up and sold as WMD's in slug world.

So, I put it in a strainer and ran water over it... for about 10 minutes. There was a brownish muddy-ish water running out of the strainer as I shook it around. Once the water ran clear, I'd shake it around, and it'd get all muddy again. So... after about 10 minutes... it was edible... still on the salty side... but edible.

So... that's what happened here. Like I said, I'm absolutely sure that if you were to have a serving right out of the pot, you would die. Maybe stroke, maybe heart attack. Maybe intense dehydration. In any case... it'd be painful and awful.